Spiritual Glasses

Isaiah 64:8 MSG Still, God you are our Father.

We’re the clay and you’re our potter:

All of us are what you made us. 

God planted me as a seed within your womb. He chose you to teach me all I’d need to grow especially when life got messy. With calloused hands you sowed within me Courage required for my journey. Strength to travel deep waters and dust filled roads. When my insides screamed for justice I remembered your personal story of forgiveness shared with me years before. Momma, your example was the one I leaned into and by it I forgave just as you had done. 

 I watched as you tirelessly packed and re-packed our lives without complaint. I now do the same always thinking of your grace shown. Because of you I am not afraid to travel un-marked paths and un-named waters. Without fear I create by spoon and by scissor, by paint and by words just as you did when I was a child. You Momma, are an Artist. I now call myself the same. Today when I look into the mirror I see your reflection and I smile. 

Date Night at 

My Covenant Love went first. 

I (that is me below) needed time for Courage to build.  

I am currently working on a permanent home for my blog. I am not very technical, so it is certainly a long process, but one I am committed to completing within 30 days. Honestly the technical piece isn’t the hardest for me though challenging. The hardest part has been writing my “About” page. In the searching of words to express transparently who I am I have begun to find my voice unlike any other time before.

I am thankful for divine connections during this season of searching, of building. Today it was a man wearing black converse named Will Mac sitting across from me in Starbucks. I overheard him talking about God and was so drawn to engage. My word for 2012 is COURAGE, so I plopped down across from him spending the next hour encouraging as I was encouraged. He shared at the end of our conversation that Atlanta now feels smaller. The building of community will do that for a person. We all want to be noticed and engaged intentionally. To possess a sense of belonging.

 I thank God for placing two broken vessels so gently in a house that taught us this truth. My Covenant Love and I were the broken vessels I speak of. We’d yet to learn community and grace though we’d ran multiple programs at church. It would take almost drowning in the deep waters of church hurt to be taught The Gospel.

God reminded me of this today as I spoke with my new friend Will. He perfectly places us with the purpose of bringing Him glory and along the way we become less broken. There is glory to be given in the healing and in the suffering. But I believe God wants us healed. My Covenant Love and I are living proof. This is a new revelation for me, one I am still processing. One I pray to continue writing about as my new blog develops this next month.

Until my new site is unveiled I will not write here again. I will instead share with you things that bring me joy through photography. The things that discover me along each exploration I set out on in and around Atlanta and in my own home. I am so excited for this new season. I feel as if my body is being prepared to give birth!

Tho I have failed my words Creation has not failed me. A step cannot be taken without beauty calling out “Capture Me.” 

I picked up The Artists Way this morning for the first time since mid January. In many ways I am sad for having put it down, but in others I reconize an aging in  myself that needed to transpire before continuing. I needed a few more miles along my journey before I would be prepared to move in what this book asks of me.

The Artists Way is by far my most treasured gem uncovered at the Goodwill. I have taken away so many nuggets this morning within the chapter titled ”Recovering A Sense of Connection.” I have been Tweeting like a mad woman. I would love to share a few self discoveries with you. Maybe you will see yourself along side of me! 

With courage you will dare to take risks, have the strength to be compassionate and the wisdom to be humble. Courage is the foundation of integrity- Keshavan Nair

Art is not about thinking something up. It is about getting something down. 

When I reconize that God is doing the doing, instead of reaching for inventions, I am engaged in listening. 

I must travel beneath the surface where there is flow and take dictation. 

Listen, listen, listen….Listen, watch & write it down. Listening and praying to hear causes increased accuracy. 

I personally resist writing during my lifes transitions where the lessons are to be found. I am most comfortable writing while in the pit. 

The moment I am willing to accept help from the Collaborator, the Creator, he will hand over what I need. I will see useful bits of help everywhere in my life. 

I must stop fixing lines in my stories over and over until they are “right.”

I cannot create with one eye on my audience.

I must enjoy the process and stop grading the results. 

I correct my originality into a uniformity that lacks passion and spontaneity. 

Sitting on my porch catching a mild breeze, listening to birds chirp a symphonic melody, while paying medical bills online. Sounds partially wonderful doesn’t it? I count this moment in its whole a blessed one as all moments are. Some take longer to see their beauty. I know this after having lived through many a moment digging far beneath the surface with bleeding fingernails looking for any sign of worth I could un-earth. This simple moment on my porch and the blessing in it flashes brightly before my eyes. No reason to get my nails dirty. I am uncertain if anyone has ever seen paying medical bills as a good thing, but I do. It is good because for many days in the month of March we could not yet see how our bills would get paid with only $250 a month left over. 

Two garnishments were handed down righfully so. We could not argue with them. They were fair. We signed on the dotted lines and failed to hold up our end of the deal. What other choice did our debtors have other than taking action. We were at peace with their decision and final judgment by the court system. They did what was right out of our choice to do what was wrong. 

This meant it was time for Tony to dust off his tools and go to work after hours. Before he had a chance to make calls seeking side work from family, neighbors and friends our phones began ringing. Some in their unbelief of a higher power call this coincidence, but we call it “An on time God.” He never fails us even in our self created messes. He covers us in grace and mercy. Yes consequences are present, but by His strength we endure. Tonys boss after getting wind of our financial ordeal also made a call. He called Tony into his office handing him a personal check for over $5000. He knew Tony and his men would not be safe on the construction site if his mind was on such a debt. The workings of the God we serve. 

So yes I count what I once called agony a blessing. I joyfully paid several medical bills today. There is an end in sight. We pray to one day soon sell all of our belongings handing over the career Tony has built the last 18 years and walk into the mission field debt free. We do not believe God would be pleased for us to walk away without first being proper stewards over all we’ve promised to pay even tho the calling to “GO” leaps within us.

We also must get our precious blessing Austin in a good place. He is growing into such a wonderful young man so much like his father. He will be a godly man inspite of what the world may think based on some bad choices he has made. I am not worried a bit. He has been taught where to lean and will do exactly that. He was formed by The Potter transferred through compassionate strength and placed inside of a God given spirit of adventure & exploration that refuses to give up. Our Austin was birthed into purpose…divine purpose. 

I will sit here on my porch with a thankful heart knowing we are not forgotten. Even in our darkest hours caused by our own hands we were not forgotten. Grace abounds, Grace abounds. Be thankful when you have bills to pay. It means you are still breathing and have been given the ability to practice good stewardship. Count all things joy!